dear adult me

Dear adult me, Why am I never enough? It doesn’t matter what I do. I like what they like. I absorb their emotions, like forgotten sponge in the sink, and feel them as my own. I do it all and it is still never enough. They still talk about me, they still belittle me, they […]

Restrict, binge, purge & repeat

(So I randomly found my old research paper and thought I would share 🙂 Personal Essay I still remember the very first time I restricted my food. I was eight years old and I was on a summer swim team in Vegas. I remember just staring at myself in the mirror in my swimsuit and […]

Hello Sadness, take my hand.

Sometimes sadness is a funny thing. You are busily going through life, making sure everything is hurried and your thoughts rampantly obsessed with something else that you’re not even aware that the bone aching sadness is quite literally latched onto you and weighing you down. Not until you take a moment of space, whether alone […]

A “friend” and a mask.

As I look into the mirror, a 9 year old me stares back. My hands move to touch my stomach, my arms & thighs. My fingers pinching and pushing my youth as I go. “What is this?” I think, “when did all of this get here?” All of a sudden, I feel her. She sits […]

I love myself & I hate myself: New RomCom coming soon.

I honestly feel like I am going to explode sometimes with the dialogue/emotions/daydreams/anxiety that runs throughout my body. Everyone will always ask “well, where is it coming from? What’s the starting point? Find that and it will all go away.” Welllllll, I WISH I knew what the starting point was, it would be friggin’ grand […]

Fickle Humans, Fickle Life

I kind of don’t understand the fickle human I am sometimes. Like I have learned how to be vulnerable, why to do it and the support it brings and yet…. I don’t wanna do it all the time. I have learned the pattern of my mood and know when it severely drops and what I […]

7 years.

Today marks 7 years since choosing to be in recovery from my eating disorder and to choose a healthy life living with a mental health disorder instead of being a servant to it. HUZZAH. PRAISE GOD. HOW DA HAIL HAVE I MADE IT. Honestly. I didn’t really know if I should even celebrate it this […]

Omg. My struggles actually prepare me for better things.

Okay, so. Here I go, here I go, here I go again (again?) Girls, what’s my weakness? (Men!) Omg. Secrets out. I love salt-n-pepa. But on a more serious note, I was feeling nostalgic and read through my journal (I am writing in right now) today. Honestly, it was cool but also somewhat sad because […]

I know it’s been F-O-R-E-V-E-R since I’ve written on this sweet ol’ thing & I really want to change that. I’ve actually been thinking about a lot of things in my life that I want to change so that I can stay present and live in the moment. One of those things was deleting my […]

Love my baggage.

Okaaaaaay, before we read about Tanner’s awesome video art piece, I first need to give a little introduction about this gem of a dude. Tanner is one of the most real, kind and loving people I have ever met. He is the real deal. He’s so talented and he shares his talents in so many […]