Omg. My struggles actually prepare me for better things.

Okay, so.

Here I go,

here I go, here I go again (again?)
Girls, what’s my weakness? (Men!)

Omg. Secrets out.

I love salt-n-pepa.

But on a more serious note, I was feeling nostalgic and read through my journal (I am writing in right now) today.

Honestly, it was cool but also somewhat sad because I’m pretty blunt in how I write what I am feeling and I just kind of had this out of body experience of feeling bad for that girl in it.

Sad that she was writing so passionately that I could understand about half my journal entries because my handwriting looked like a cow wrote it.

Whatevs. My future posterity can figure it out. It’s my own language. Good luck future kin.

As I was reading it though, I was thinking about how I’ve gotten where I am today even from the beginning of the year.

I am not going to lie, the first couple of months of this year were way rough. ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH.

BUT.

I saw how God (or the universe, higher power, mother earth) was preparing me for where I am today.

At the beginning of the year, I wasn’t even planning on going to grad school. I had no idea what my purpose was, who I was, blasay, blahsay, blah to the say.

But on January 6th, when I was on my way back from visiting my best friend Tessa in Portland, this memory kept hitting me and overwhelming me.

Something that kept coming back to my mind was this journal entry from when I was living in Moncks Corner, SC.

We were in this run down trailer park in Cordesville or Bonneau and it was raining pretty hard and overcast.

I remember knocking on this one door and meeting this young boy. He had bruises and he just looked sad. I remember just talking to him and getting to know him. And as he and I talked, I remember just having this peaceful feeling that I was supposed to work with kids like him. That I was supposed to support and help kids facing trials just by letting them know I’ll always be on their team.

I know it sounds simple but it means everything to me. It feels like a purpose.

And then as the last couple of months passed I went through some really, really hard things but this last week (whilst in therapy, PRAISE BE) or after therapy, I realized that all of the hard, rough stuff that I have been through has prepared me for going into social work and going to New York.

It was a super humbling moment.

It was a moment that I really felt the love of God and gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned even though I had to go through some rough stuff to get here.

Anywayz, I am thankful for those small, good thoughts that we’re given that lead us to something bigger.

It gives life such a bigger purpose.