I feel like life is just one endless journey upon a sea that is sometimes unforgiving & treacherous but at other times it can bring this feeling of complete calmness and a peace that is indescribable.
Sometimes I feel that the ship I am sailing on is complete and full, that I trust in the Captain full-heartedly and I allow myself to fall in love with the feeling of the breeze & adventure.
Other times, I feel that all that is left of my ship is a plank of wood & I am barely holding on as the storms or trials of life beat down upon me and all I want to do is to let go and drift away.
Enduring is hard.
Holding on to that pure hope when the darkness of life seems to seep into your soul is excruciating.
Acting on the belief that the storm will pass and that the Sun is still shining behind the clouds, without knowing the timetable, is refining and frustrating.
So, I ask myself the question. Why do I hold on?
Why do I hold on to that stupid piece of wood, for dear life, getting slivers and all kinds of mess?
Why do I trust in that anchor that is holding me in place but at the same time can also feel so heavy?
I believe it is because of the past harsh, excruciating & beautiful experiences I have cultivated during the storms of my past.
I have seen that the storm can speak to me in ways that the sun cannot.
I have seen that the storm can bring surprising nourishment even amidst all the travail.
The storm keeps my eye upon my great Creator.
It reminds me that hurting is healing & that hope can also be cultivated in the dark. I have been given experiences where I know that I am not alone nor will I ever be left alone.
Sure it can feel unrelenting. Sure I’d love to float away, whimsically & not have to fight.
Sure, I’d like to forget those past experiences so that it would be easier to let go.
But I can’t.
And I won’t.
Because deep down I know that the storm IS going to pass.
That a peace will come even if the winds still blow.
That help is always by my side.
I just have to reach for it.
Babblings by Anxiety's Elite 